I'm really tired of not being able to understand the weather. I think I need to become a meteorologist. One day it is -25, the next day it feels like +5. How can the Earth be so cold one day and so hot the next? The sun was shining both days, yet one was unreasonably miserable!
Perhaps my threats to fight winter indoors were enough to make him relax a bit.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
I can't believe NBC told me this
Okay, the jist of this one is the folks down at Berkeley have made a data storage system that can hold 250 DVDs worth of information on a quarter sized device.
I'm going to make this short, because no one likes to read a lot: go Future 2!
I hate when technological advancement is "we made it 6% better!"
I'm going to make this short, because no one likes to read a lot: go Future 2!
I hate when technological advancement is "we made it 6% better!"
Friday, February 20, 2009
Masochism
Why do I enjoy so many things that are bad for me? It's not just things like fat and sugar and salt and all those other delicious necessities that have been concentrated into lethal doses.
It's the alcohol, the girls, the Thing at 2 in the morning...
It sounds like more fun than you think. But somehow I enjoy it. It all is such a good idea when it's happening. It's only when you stop that the hangover kicks in, the heartache grabs hold, and the nightmares begin.
I think I'm going to keep doing it even though I've told myself to stop.
It's the alcohol, the girls, the Thing at 2 in the morning...
It sounds like more fun than you think. But somehow I enjoy it. It all is such a good idea when it's happening. It's only when you stop that the hangover kicks in, the heartache grabs hold, and the nightmares begin.
I think I'm going to keep doing it even though I've told myself to stop.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A Not-So Quickie
What happened to dials? My folks just bought a new stove and I feel like a 90 year old man. I swore at this machine for a half an hour.
My kitchen has a window. From this window comes sunlight. Sunlight starts in the morning. In the morning, I like to eat scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs are best cooked on the stove. The stove is in my kitchen. For decades, this circle has gone uninterrupted. Then LG had the brilliant idea of adding a digital interface for hip young couples.
Now, LG doesn't want you to see it in this tiny picture, but it was the biggest I could find (good advertising. It's the goddamn future. I want to inspect this product from the picture, not get an idea that, yes, it is a stove that is white...ish). Okay, so the 5 black squares on the left are LED numbers that give you a digital reading of 0.0 to Hi. To select "Hi", you hit the ON/OFF button and the up arrow beside it. To ensure you are on the "Hi" setting, cup your hand over the LED screen and lean over the hot element to make the LED visible in the light. To select a level of 2.5, an appropriate egg temperature, I think, hit the ON/OFF button, then the up arrow, then the down arrow about 15 times until you think the LED reads 2.5. Remember to cover the LED with your hand to read it.
I think that you could turn it on and hit down to start at what I assume would be "Lo," but I'd still have to hit up ten times to get to 5.
How is this easy?! There was a time when you could simply turn a dial to half and it would be at half. I don't think anyone was confused by it, or broke it, or did not trust the accuracy of the dial.
In short, fuck you LG, for trying to make a futuristic stove. Don't fuck up what ain't broke.
Now for the lesson. There are some things that buttons are better for and some things that dials are better for.
For example: a car that has an ignition button is pretty cool. Yes, by turning your key in different directions or to different degrees, you can perform different actions. These actions are not common and I have seen their functions replaced. My mom's new van, for example. If you want to listen to the rest of a song on the radio, but don't want to keep the car running, you simply turn off the car. The radio remains playing until you open the door to get out. Thus, you always get to listen to the rest of the song, and it always turns off when you leave.
A stove, however, has a large range of temperatures that it can be set to and precision isn't crucial. The difference between 190 degrees and 195 degrees is minimal (celcius. I think it's time to get with it. [That's not a bad book title]). So why do I have to digitally input that temperature? In case I can't find 190 on a dial? Should I really be operating the stove if I can't find 190 on a dial? And if I think the heat needs to go up, I don't want to cancel, reset, input a new temperature, hit Go and collect $200. I want to turn a fucking dial.
Jerry's Final Thoughts.
We're so often frusterated with technology. We have 7 remotes with hundreds of buttons that we've never used. VCRs lived and died without ever being set to the correct time. Buttons take control away from people. Buttons are the cause for so much confusion and misuse. Back in the day, dials were a direct relationship between command and function. Turn this dial, the music gets louder. Turn that dial, the stove gets hotter. Dials put people in charge. Dials are sometimes as satisfying as a really good toggle switch. Bring back the dial.
My kitchen has a window. From this window comes sunlight. Sunlight starts in the morning. In the morning, I like to eat scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs are best cooked on the stove. The stove is in my kitchen. For decades, this circle has gone uninterrupted. Then LG had the brilliant idea of adding a digital interface for hip young couples.
Now, LG doesn't want you to see it in this tiny picture, but it was the biggest I could find (good advertising. It's the goddamn future. I want to inspect this product from the picture, not get an idea that, yes, it is a stove that is white...ish). Okay, so the 5 black squares on the left are LED numbers that give you a digital reading of 0.0 to Hi. To select "Hi", you hit the ON/OFF button and the up arrow beside it. To ensure you are on the "Hi" setting, cup your hand over the LED screen and lean over the hot element to make the LED visible in the light. To select a level of 2.5, an appropriate egg temperature, I think, hit the ON/OFF button, then the up arrow, then the down arrow about 15 times until you think the LED reads 2.5. Remember to cover the LED with your hand to read it.
I think that you could turn it on and hit down to start at what I assume would be "Lo," but I'd still have to hit up ten times to get to 5.
How is this easy?! There was a time when you could simply turn a dial to half and it would be at half. I don't think anyone was confused by it, or broke it, or did not trust the accuracy of the dial.
In short, fuck you LG, for trying to make a futuristic stove. Don't fuck up what ain't broke.
Now for the lesson. There are some things that buttons are better for and some things that dials are better for.
For example: a car that has an ignition button is pretty cool. Yes, by turning your key in different directions or to different degrees, you can perform different actions. These actions are not common and I have seen their functions replaced. My mom's new van, for example. If you want to listen to the rest of a song on the radio, but don't want to keep the car running, you simply turn off the car. The radio remains playing until you open the door to get out. Thus, you always get to listen to the rest of the song, and it always turns off when you leave.
A stove, however, has a large range of temperatures that it can be set to and precision isn't crucial. The difference between 190 degrees and 195 degrees is minimal (celcius. I think it's time to get with it. [That's not a bad book title]). So why do I have to digitally input that temperature? In case I can't find 190 on a dial? Should I really be operating the stove if I can't find 190 on a dial? And if I think the heat needs to go up, I don't want to cancel, reset, input a new temperature, hit Go and collect $200. I want to turn a fucking dial.
Jerry's Final Thoughts.
We're so often frusterated with technology. We have 7 remotes with hundreds of buttons that we've never used. VCRs lived and died without ever being set to the correct time. Buttons take control away from people. Buttons are the cause for so much confusion and misuse. Back in the day, dials were a direct relationship between command and function. Turn this dial, the music gets louder. Turn that dial, the stove gets hotter. Dials put people in charge. Dials are sometimes as satisfying as a really good toggle switch. Bring back the dial.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Asshole
It's been a long time since I've felt like beating the shit out of someone. So long, in fact, that I can't- oh, James. Okay, other than- oh, what, Peter. Right, so I tend to want to beat the shit out of guys who try to (and sometimes successfully) steal my girlfriend.
But last night was different. Last night there was just a guy who needed to be put down. So we're at the bar playing a round of pool and there was this cocky, loud, obnoxious, drunk-off-his-ass dickfaucet (sub-note, when in doubt, dick-noun is a safe and often hilarious insult). Now, I suppose everything does swing around and be about women because he would be a harmless asshole if it wasn't for the girl he was hitting on that was painfully pretty and half his age.
Now, I wish I could say that I did something. In a perfect world, I would fight fire with fire and step in to counter-flirt to which she would instantly recognise my desire to help and divert her attention to me, thus thwarting the advances of creepy old drunk guy and then she would volunteer her number and we could live happily ever after. Plus, I'd be something impractically cool like a jet-fighter pilot as well as a selfless vetrenarian saving kittens in Third World countries. I would obviously be a smart investor and, thus, loaded.
None of that is going to happen. I'm not keen enough for investments, caring enough to care about kittens in Third World countries, well-sighted enough to be a fighter pilot, or suave enough to counter-flirt. I do not have fire to fight fire with. I have water that sticks to familiar rivers.
Anyway, it's not a huge deal. I spent half the night trying to determine if it whether or not she was his unfortunate girlfriend or not (he didn't look twice her age. I only found that out later). Besides, who is actually going to trust that I'd step in to get rid of the asshole. In her mind, it would be, "Great, now there's two assholes." So, what can you do? The only two solutions are 1)beat the living shit out of him, or 2)do nothing. All I needed was a good external excuse...
Oh, I forgot to mention the racism! We were also out with a guy whom I think was Middle Eastern and he and the asshole were playing pool. The guy heads to the bathroom while the asshole - who thought he was the absolute shit at pool - butchered another shot with that terrible bounce-on-one-foot-while-looking-down-your-nose followthrough. Then he asks, "Where is that African?"
Had that not been only halfway through the night, and had I not been the painfully white guy that I am, that would have been my external excuse to take that mother-fucker outside. I don't even care if the guy we were with was African. You've got to know someone pretty fucking well before "that African" becomes an acceptable description.
But last night was different. Last night there was just a guy who needed to be put down. So we're at the bar playing a round of pool and there was this cocky, loud, obnoxious, drunk-off-his-ass dickfaucet (sub-note, when in doubt, dick-noun is a safe and often hilarious insult). Now, I suppose everything does swing around and be about women because he would be a harmless asshole if it wasn't for the girl he was hitting on that was painfully pretty and half his age.
Now, I wish I could say that I did something. In a perfect world, I would fight fire with fire and step in to counter-flirt to which she would instantly recognise my desire to help and divert her attention to me, thus thwarting the advances of creepy old drunk guy and then she would volunteer her number and we could live happily ever after. Plus, I'd be something impractically cool like a jet-fighter pilot as well as a selfless vetrenarian saving kittens in Third World countries. I would obviously be a smart investor and, thus, loaded.
None of that is going to happen. I'm not keen enough for investments, caring enough to care about kittens in Third World countries, well-sighted enough to be a fighter pilot, or suave enough to counter-flirt. I do not have fire to fight fire with. I have water that sticks to familiar rivers.
Anyway, it's not a huge deal. I spent half the night trying to determine if it whether or not she was his unfortunate girlfriend or not (he didn't look twice her age. I only found that out later). Besides, who is actually going to trust that I'd step in to get rid of the asshole. In her mind, it would be, "Great, now there's two assholes." So, what can you do? The only two solutions are 1)beat the living shit out of him, or 2)do nothing. All I needed was a good external excuse...
Oh, I forgot to mention the racism! We were also out with a guy whom I think was Middle Eastern and he and the asshole were playing pool. The guy heads to the bathroom while the asshole - who thought he was the absolute shit at pool - butchered another shot with that terrible bounce-on-one-foot-while-looking-down-your-nose followthrough. Then he asks, "Where is that African?"
Had that not been only halfway through the night, and had I not been the painfully white guy that I am, that would have been my external excuse to take that mother-fucker outside. I don't even care if the guy we were with was African. You've got to know someone pretty fucking well before "that African" becomes an acceptable description.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Chicken Soup
Actually, chicken soup is the easiest frickin' thing to make! I made it up as a went along, and I added about 4 spices that I didn't know what they did, and I still came out with a pretty decent chicken soup.
So, chicken is awesome. It is always delicious.
So, chicken is awesome. It is always delicious.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Opposites
Made to feel like a man by one that hasn't made me one; emasculated by one that has.
It makes me wonder what makes a man. And what am I? What makes me? When a man was made of me, did I move backwards? Sometimes I feel as though I have.
One wants what she can't get and one wants not what she can have. And there I am, on the outside, androgynous. Sub-man.
I wonder what I've done.
It makes me wonder what makes a man. And what am I? What makes me? When a man was made of me, did I move backwards? Sometimes I feel as though I have.
One wants what she can't get and one wants not what she can have. And there I am, on the outside, androgynous. Sub-man.
I wonder what I've done.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Every Living Thing On This Earth Dies Alone
And so ends his life. All of his dreams, hopes, and memories are lost forever.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Where is your God now?
I'm filling out one of the 25 random facts on Facebook. Question 3, I mention I like animal malformations. Here's an example, but with mushrooms. I couldn't not buy this when I went to the supermarket.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Let It Be
I don't know if this is a good idea.I think scientists are getting too caught up in "how to keep things the same." Things die. That's just how it works. Furthermore, new things can't grow until old things die. Take a look at these helpful examples.
1. Pine trees. Pine trees drop hundreds of pinecones, an incredibly small percentage of which will ever grow into trees. The larger trees make it impossible for new things to grow around them. But when these trees burn, the pinecones open up, the sun breaks through, and the remains of the fallen trees nourish the next generation.
2. Ideas. You have to let old ideas die, or even actively kill them to allow new ideas to spread. Sub-example: the Metric system. You can't use two systems just because you're kind of fond of the old system. In order to let this (very old) new idea reach its objective (of making everything easier for everyone and allow for a cooperation of standards) possible. While some countries understood that you have to abandon old ideas to let new ones take root, others have held on to their no-longer-useful ideals. (see Liberty, Freedom, God, and the Imperial System. Actually, that's not a bad title for a satirical book.)
3. Relationships. You have to let past relationships die before a new one can grow.
I'm not saying that we should ignore preservation, but when something goes extinct... it's like a breakup. Sure, you can be sad, but you have to get over it. The worst thing to do is get that idea that you can get her back. In fact, nature is a lot like a woman. Take care of her, treat her right, and when she goes away, lament. But always move on.
1. Pine trees. Pine trees drop hundreds of pinecones, an incredibly small percentage of which will ever grow into trees. The larger trees make it impossible for new things to grow around them. But when these trees burn, the pinecones open up, the sun breaks through, and the remains of the fallen trees nourish the next generation.
2. Ideas. You have to let old ideas die, or even actively kill them to allow new ideas to spread. Sub-example: the Metric system. You can't use two systems just because you're kind of fond of the old system. In order to let this (very old) new idea reach its objective (of making everything easier for everyone and allow for a cooperation of standards) possible. While some countries understood that you have to abandon old ideas to let new ones take root, others have held on to their no-longer-useful ideals. (see Liberty, Freedom, God, and the Imperial System. Actually, that's not a bad title for a satirical book.)
3. Relationships. You have to let past relationships die before a new one can grow.
I'm not saying that we should ignore preservation, but when something goes extinct... it's like a breakup. Sure, you can be sad, but you have to get over it. The worst thing to do is get that idea that you can get her back. In fact, nature is a lot like a woman. Take care of her, treat her right, and when she goes away, lament. But always move on.
The Weather of Life
Everything is a metaphor. I'm always saying it. I don't think good fiction resembles life; a good life resembles fiction. And it's obvious to see. Take me, for example. I love movies, so my life is enjoyable when I have the right music, the right pacing, the right scene, and so on. I particularly enjoy romantic comedies (not actively, but statistically), so the two things worth living for are love and laughs. I laugh, I cry, and in between, I watch and enjoy.
Perhaps you like science fiction, and you enjoy imagining the unimaginable. Life can be more enjoyable when everything works; when your toast comes out just right, not because of luck, but because of science!
Or maybe fantasy novels are your cup of tea. Finding your path; your destiny. A purpose that is not yet seen, but a willingness to let it take you where it may. It can be a compromising burden, but it's yours to carry.
We all have some fiction that tune our happiness into. Even if it's hard, we enjoy it on some level. Otherwise, we would change it, most simply by not giving a fuck. After all, plenty of people live not giving a fuck. It can't be that hard. But we're different. Fiction gives rise to so many literary devices that make us follow the lives we live. Catharsis, foreshadow, and, obviously, metaphor.
Which brings me back around to my main point. Metaphors.
I hope the weather isn't a metaphor for life. It is so beautiful and sunny and warm. I don't want it to get cold again. I don't want the wind to pull tears from my eyes. I don't want to curl up under the blankets alone to keep warm.
January has come and gone, and it's been hard, metaphor or no. Likewise, February is not known to be any better. But there's even less I can do about life than I can about the weather. All there is to do is go outside and enjoy it. Bask in the sun while it shows itself to you. Let it fill you up.
Perhaps you like science fiction, and you enjoy imagining the unimaginable. Life can be more enjoyable when everything works; when your toast comes out just right, not because of luck, but because of science!
Or maybe fantasy novels are your cup of tea. Finding your path; your destiny. A purpose that is not yet seen, but a willingness to let it take you where it may. It can be a compromising burden, but it's yours to carry.
We all have some fiction that tune our happiness into. Even if it's hard, we enjoy it on some level. Otherwise, we would change it, most simply by not giving a fuck. After all, plenty of people live not giving a fuck. It can't be that hard. But we're different. Fiction gives rise to so many literary devices that make us follow the lives we live. Catharsis, foreshadow, and, obviously, metaphor.
Which brings me back around to my main point. Metaphors.
I hope the weather isn't a metaphor for life. It is so beautiful and sunny and warm. I don't want it to get cold again. I don't want the wind to pull tears from my eyes. I don't want to curl up under the blankets alone to keep warm.
January has come and gone, and it's been hard, metaphor or no. Likewise, February is not known to be any better. But there's even less I can do about life than I can about the weather. All there is to do is go outside and enjoy it. Bask in the sun while it shows itself to you. Let it fill you up.
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