Thursday, July 9, 2009

Beards: The Public Pubic Hair?

Okay, okay, I know you're all thinking "but you have a beard. And more importantly, I have a beard!"

This is largely true (some of you may not be able to grow beards). But let's look at the facts, shall we?
  1. Beards and pubic hair both start growing at puberty.
  2. Beard hair is unlike head hair, much like pubic hair is unlike head hair.
  3. Both yield a very good scratch when you have an itch.
  4. You can experiment with making fun designs in them.
  5. Proper maintenance is important.
Now you're thinking "yeah, okay, maybe, I guess. But it still doesn't sound very good." And, if you're a woman, you- I'm sorry, first let me welcome you to the blog - if you're a woman you're possibly thinking "but I don't like beards."

Here's what the problem is. A man grows a beard at puberty and separates himself from the boys. A woman grows pubic hair at puberty and separates herself from the girls. By removing the hair of our puberty we only attempt to emulate our childhood. First off, how sick is that?! We all know that every man is some percentage of a paedophile. If you say you've never looked at an underaged girl you're lying or a woman. But what about the women that desire men to emulate prepubescent boys? If a woman said that she shaved her pubic hair because it was expected of her we would be outraged, right? Who is a man to expect a woman to shave to look like a prepubescent girl? Yet women have conjured up this social expectation that men should have to remove their beards. What's worse is that some men reinforce this idea!

Now, I'm not saying that I'm opposed to anyone's removal of any of their hair (other than entire eyebrows... I just don't get that) but no one, man or woman, should feel obligated to remove a natural part of their adulthood, nor should anyone be told that they need to, or even that they should.

Now, I know what you women are thinking. First of all, I'd like to thank you for reading this far. Not only am I excited to have your readership, but look forward to seeing some feedback in the comments.

But like I was saying, I know you women are thinking "but we put our faces on your face and it's itchy/scratchy/krusty etc. You don't put your f-"

Oh really?


  1. hurrah for bears! i'm actually in the process of widening mine because it's so darn manly!
    also, nice oral sex comment at the end there.

  2. hahahahahaha
    and by BEARS i mean BEARDS
    but widening my BEAR is just funny

  3. I shaved mine off...I miss it.

  4. I'm hetero - for good or bad. Anything about my guy that is different from me turns me on. I can't grow a beard. It's manly. I love it.