I understand now!

I don't know how it took me so long to associate these two things, but it seems to me a perfect comparison.

I am an expressive vegetarian.

I feel sorry for those guys now. It's really not easy. People always giving you that look, everyone always saying "it's natural." It's bullshit is what it is.

Sorry, that was out of line. But it's ridiculous to assume that there is a natural human program.

Dancing. Why does everyone have to dance? Why does everyone have to want to dance? I understand it is an expression and I understand that it's healthy; physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. But so is meat! With all its iron and protein and tasty, tasty glory. But there are other ways to get all of those things without meat, just like there are other ways to enjoy life without dancing.

Here's an example. You like baked potatoes, right? And peas and carrots and green beans and a thick slice of tomato with cheese melted on? You like creamy mushroom bearnaise sauce, don't you? Of course you do (if you don't, quit reading my blog. Just kidding, keep reading). So what does it matter that there is chicken on your plate instead of steak (other than, I suppose, the bearnaise, which could easily be replaced by another equally delicious white sauce)?

I know I ridiculed people who didn't like what I like earlier, but I'm making a point. Once is fine. But to hold it against someone is completely different. Another example: you're clearly not human if you don't like ska. Everyone likes ska. It's the most agreeable music ever. But when someone says they don't like it, you don't ostracize them. You ask, "Really?" Maybe you add a few comments about what you like about ska, but you always finish with, "well, what do you listen to then?"

Now, before I move on to my next segment, I want to make sure we're all clear here. I don't like to dance. I have big feet, gangly limbs, no rhythm, and am poor at linear improvisation. When I fuck up dancing, the fuck up is nonunfuckuppable. Now, this is not to say that I don't like dance itself. Dancing is pretty. It's like any art form. I can view it, but I can't do it. And I've tried. I played piano for 4 years, spent 4 years in art school, and I've tried dancing. Not only do I suck, but I don't enjoy it. In fact, even if I was good, I would only do it to fit in. But that's not to say that you shouldn't dance. Please dance. I want you to dance. I want to see you dance like I want to hear you sing or look at everything you draw. I don't want you to think I'm on the outside. I'm right here.

Rocker, Texas Ranger

Okay, so we came up with this idea, see? It's called Rocker, Texas Ranger.

Rocker, Texas Ranger is a teen serial drama, similar to the O.C., only the C stands for Comedy, and the O stands for Outrageous.

• Rocker is in high school and is a drummer, only not a good drummer.
• Throughout the story, Rocker meets up with fellow high school bands played by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Fall Out Boy, and Aerosmith (whom he finally joins at the end of season 1)
• Rocker's father, Dad (Jason Bateman), is a single parent and also the high school counsellor
• Rocker has issues with his father, but seeks help from the only person available: the counsellor.
• Rocker has a long time girlfriend, but is once tempted by the Temptress.

Starring:
Dwayne Johnson as Dwayne "Rocker" Johnson
Danielle Fishel as Rocker's Girlfriend
Jason Bateman as Rocker's Dad/ The High School Counsellor
Dame Judi Dench as The Philosophical Gym Teacher
Justin Timberlake as The Basketball Coach
Danny Glover as The Maths Professor
Scarlett Johansson as The Librarian with a Moustache
Bill Nighy as The English Teacher
Ben Stein as The Principal

Guest Stars:
Hayden Panettiere as the Cheerleader
Aerosmith as The Rock Band
Chuck Norris as The Big Brother
Fall Out Boy as The Emo Band
Morena Baccarin as The Temptation
Neil Patrick Harris as the Superintendent
Red Hot Chili Peppers as The Funk Band
Winona Ryder as Rocker's Mom

If you're trying to get an idea of how these characters would be played, think Outrageous. After all, it stars The Rock as a high school sophomore.




The rant part of this. It took us a twenty minute walk to school to devise this travesty/masterpiece. "No one would ever watch this show!" you might say, but think about this: Hannah Montana. That Zack and Cody show. Family Guy. CSI (name your version). American Dad (Family Guy II, or The Other Family Guy). These shows range from not great to absolute shit, but still they are on the air.

Then think about shows like Firefly, Mission Hill, Clone High, Undergrads, Futurama, Arrested Development, Dead Like Me, Quantum Leap, Clerks... the list goes on! Great shows that weren't given a chance to go on.

Finally, I want you to think about the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Boy Meets World, Home Improvement, That 70's Show (early seasons), and Seinfeld. Remember shows that were about kids and teenagers and absolutely nothing? Those were the good old days.

I'm not saying that Rocker, Texas Ranger is TV gold (only it is! How could you go wrong?), but it took us 20 minutes to come up with that. I realize that there is a severe issue with attempting to sign all of these people, but you could take the actors and extrapolate characters from them and wham-bam, you have a story.

Kids These Goddamn Days.

Normally when I use the phrase, "Kids these days," I'm talking about rap music, weeaboos, lack of respect, and the new demographic of Hollywood. But today I saw something just plain unacceptable.

I was on the Facebooks keeping tabs on a fictional person (I'm not sure whether he/she creeps me out, or intrigues me) and I come across one of his/her "friends." Her profile picture looked suspect, so I creeped around- er, I followed an investigatory lead.

This girl's a mom. She's barely 18 and is married with a kid. Married to a kid, in my opinion, too. This puts me ill at ease, but it's really not that bad. Thirty years ago this sort of thing was commonplace. A hundred years ago and her parents might have been saying, "Finally!" And it's not that I think they're too young to be having kids. If God didn't want kids to be having sex, he wouldn't fire up the baby-makin' factories when you're thirteen.

Obviously I don't endorse kids to be having sex. They were less capable of raising a child ten thousand years ago. In modern society, kids are completely incapable of raising children of their own. There's too much to know and prepare for. You'll always have to spend approximately 25% of your life expectancy learning how to survive the last 75% of your life. And, maybe not so obviously (I only came to this conclusion earlier this year), if you're not done growing up, who are you to coach someone else in growing up?

Okay, a few tangents there, but I felt they were helpful groundwork for what I find appalling. Are you ready? This girl's latest profile picture is her at what I hope is a party with a pill on her tongue flipping off the camera.

She has a nine month old child*!

It's worse that she is married. If it was a single 18 year old mom who was so strung out that she had to go out and party and do drugs and the baby wound up starved in a crib, drowned in a sink, or eaten by stray dogs, it would be horrible! But I think we could all file that away in the "Disdain" folders in our brains. But the fact that she had something going. Yeah, she got pregnant, but she also got married. And he stuck around. And they sound like the kind of couple that could make it work. It sounds like the setup for meeting these people seventeen years from now when their kid is graduating with yours and they're almost ten years younger than you, but their kid is on the honour roll because they knew a thing or two about working hard even when times are tough. But instead, she's at parties taking chemically manufactured drugs and acting like a lady-douchebag (is douchebag a unisex term in this context? Most female specific derogatory names are too aggressive. Douche is a much more passive term. Anyway...).

So, I say again, "Kids these days..."


*See comments

Green Energy

I'm reading New Scientist today (I say that like it's what I do) and this guy Mark Jacobson has been reviewing alternate energy sources. Finally, someone who knows what's going on. Biofuels are for complete and total morons (my words, not his).

'Environmentalists': "I know! Let's grow a bunch of food!"

African kids: "Can we have some?"

'Environmentalists': "Ha! No, silly starving kids. This food is for driving SUVs, not for 3rd world countries. Eco-SUVs."

Essonol: "Okay, we switched from gasoline to ethanol. Now, where's the billions of litres of fuel we need?"

'Environmentalists': "We need to grow more. Just sit tight."

Grade School Math Student: "According to my calculations 5318008. Now, look at it upside down. Yeah? Oh! And you need twice the surface area of the Earth to grow enough corn every season to consistently keep up with current fuel needs."

'Environmentalists': "You're making that up."

Grade School Math Student: "Totally. I hate doing math. But it doesn't take a mathematician to tell you that you need more space than you have to grow enough corn to last an entire season. Not to mention basic knowledge of agriculture tells us the soil is depleted of its nutrients when a single crop is grown there season after season. That's where four year rotation comes in."

'Environmentalists': "For a math student, you certainly bring up a lot of non-math related arguments."

Grade School Math Student: "Yeah, it's because I'm not a complete an total idiot."

Okay, back to the point.

The energy sources that Jacobson found most promising were, in descending order:

• Wind

• Concentrated solar power (mirrors heating a tower of water)

• Geothermal energy

• Tidal energy

• Solar panels

• Wave energy

• Hydroelectric dams

Unfortunately, these still have their problems.

1. Wind Power. Wind is a fundamental component to weather. To harvest energy from it, you are removing that energy. Energy is what makes wind go. I'm no climatologist or meteorologist, but when you start fucking with the wind, you start fucking with global ecosystems. Who knows the ramifications of erecting vast fields of wind turbines? It won't be apparent until we are dependent, but there are some serious consequences to removing that much energy from the wind.

2. Solar Thermal. I always thought the way to do it was to heat a hunk of salt or sodium or something like that until it melts and use that to vapourize a small amount of water which is used to run turbines. You know, rather than making a giant kettle. But, if there is a method that isn't reliant on heating a large body of water, this seems fairly viable, save for its expanse. This could be resolved possibly by overlapping solar power and pre-existing infrastructure. The great core of a city could be a power plant, and all the surrounding buildings might reflect light from calibrated mirrors toward a single bright beacon of a renewable future. Plus, you could regulate the building owners to maintain their mirrors as a cost for the real estate (or pay a hefty government tax to have them do it for you). I mean, cities are already affecting the Earth's natural albedo. Might as well make electricity out of it.

3. Geothermal. Okay, I just have one question here. Have any of you scientists ever eaten anything hot? I mean, come on! Imagine the Earth is one big pizza pocket. During the formation of the galaxy, accretion formed the Earth on High for 1 1/2 minutes. Now Earth sits on the plate of space. It is cool and crusty on the outside, but liquid hot on the inside. What you're proposing is for us to stab holes in the Earth and use that heat for power. Now, we can't exactly eat the Earth when it is merely deliciously warm rather than inhospitably hot. So it will sit on the plate and cool and cool and cool until we are a man-made asteroid. That's an exaggeration, but the part about cooling still stands. Again, messing with the Earth's temperature probably isn't exactly eco-friendly. Think of the places where geothermal energy escapes naturally. Do you have a hundred million large scale examples in your head? Didn't think so.

4. Tidal Energy. I've been thinking about this one for years. Other than maybe not being that efficient and the high probablity that large amounts of natural habitats would eventually be destroyed (think about it. Ain't nothing living in the toxic waters of New York City that can't live somewhere else.) Gravity is the weakest and greatest force in the universe. It may not push very hard, but it is unstoppable. No man-made machine could ever unintentionally disrupt the gravitational interaction between Earth and the Moon. But, again, inefficient at best. Although, the work load is pretty even. High tide, gravity works. Low tide, maintenance.

5. Solar Panels. Raw materials. Where do you get all of them? A lot of plastic and metal and glass and... and all those things over again. Other than that, hella-stellar idea. Only, make it mandatory. I'll come back to that one later.

6. Wave Energy. It's like gravity lite. But not a bad idea. Using the weight of water is never a bad idea. 'Cause it be heavy.

7. Hydro Electric Dams. Great idea! Except for the beavers and fish and plants and bears and cougars and moose and wolves and deer and the rest of the temperate zone riverbed ecosystem. Fish swim upstream to spawn every year, right? I have an idea! Why don't we put little generators inside every woman so that-
I'll stop myself there, but you can see what I mean. Fish need rivers to spawn, and thus, to live. Maybe we could exploit other species for energy. 200km/moose


Obviously I'm big on this whole environmental impact deal. I kinda like the environment. But I understand that we do nothing that is 100% eco-friendly. The best source of energy is all of the above. This energy crisis is like being poor. The solution isn't a single answer and it's not easy and we will have to make sacrifices. One big heist exposes us to serious, long term dangers. The solution is to scrape and save and work all the options. It's all about the division of labour.

I just want to finish up here by talking about hydrogen power as a replacement for gasoline. It only makes sense so long as we can store more energy in hydrogen than we can in a battery with the added bonus that we get to keep the same combustion engine technology with lighter environmental consequences. I propose that half of you scientists go work on a way to store electricity better and the other half works on how to make storing hydrogen practical and safe. All of you scientists who are working on ways to transmit energy, keep doing your thing. You will be the saviours of us all.

People who think they are the shit

It's a little hard to be excessively angry right now after I got an unexpected hug from Sandra in the halls. But I was good and mad before, so I'll try and bring that back.

There's this guy in my math class who thinks he's the shit and it pisses me off. I mean, it's one thing to be confident that you know what you're doing, but it's another to claim you have all of the answers despite being proved wrong repeatedly (at least once per class). Can you trisect any angle given a compass and straight edge? I thought I could, and I thought I had a pretty good solution. But theoretically you can't. Who am I to say that I can. This guy apparently can. He is adamant that he can do it. With my solution, I wondered what the problem was, not demanded that it was the truth.

This isn't what bothers me. He's just a little overzealous, I thought. So we start talking about mathematical impossibilities. We get to talking about this guy, Kurt Gödel, who theorized near the beginning of the century that, essentially, given any set of mathematical rules there will be statements that can neither be proved nor disproved. Kinda like how God can neither be proved nor disproved. In his time, the problem of trisecting an angle given the axioms (rules) that you can form a line from any two points and a circle from a point and a radial line was still in question. It was a good example. However, now there are absolute proofs that explain in great detail how trisecting an angle given the axioms of line forming and circle drawing is impossible. This guy in my class says, "Well of course it's impossible. This guy isn't a genius. He's an idiot!"

Sure, buddy. This coming from a guy who two minutes ago was convinced that he discovered the secret to complete a mathematical problem that he was even told was impossible. What a dickhead.

Then we go on to talk about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and this guy in class goes off to claim that you can't find a point in space because it will always have a width, just like you can't find a point on a plane because it will have an area when you draw it.... Come on! That's like saying the number 5 doesn't exist because you count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 5 counts as 4.5-5.5. No. 5 is 5 is 5 is 5. It's fucking 5. It's a fucking point. You approach it and it's not 5. You pass it and it's not 5. You are at 5, then you are at 5. It's a fucking point. Then he extrapolates that and says you can't find a point in 4 dimensions because you can't define a point in space and time. I'm not even at the real facepalm moment. Then our professor goes on to explain that theoretically (and more important, mathematically) speaking, there are an infinite number of dimensions. Mathematicians think in infinite dimensions all the time. Another guy in the class tries to help him out by saying that you live in 3 dimensions and imagining much more than 3 is impossible.

What does buddy-guy say? "Well, that's what I'm asking. Help me imagine 5 dimensions."

AUGH! What the fuck? I mean, really. What the hell is this guy's deal? What a fucking idiot. I understand that the concept of me saying that other people are so full of themselves for thinking they are right all the time is hypocritcal. But the difference is that I'm not a fucking idiot.

I don't even want to try and explain to him how wrong he is. I just want to punch him in his hollow fucking skull.

Destruction, Role Reversals, and Choices

These are actually examples of things that aren't wrong with the world. These are the things that make life difficult, but ultimately worth living be it for creation of life, appreciation of life, or simply being life.

Part 1

I drove down to Lethbridge this weekend; about a two hour drive. The weather warnings were extreme in the morning, but had diminished by the time I left. None the less, I found cars spun out in the ditch, one car on its roof with an exit trail probably a full 30° from the road (in case you don't think in trajectories, that means it was going over 50% as fast sideways as it was going forward along the road, or exactly 50% of its speed [no vector {direction}] was in a vector perpendicular to the road. tl;dr it went sideways fast), and finally, the worst of them all, I saw a horse trailer on its side. Firetrucks, ambulances, police cruisers, all sorts of emergency crews... two lanes of traffic were forced around onto the shoulder to sneak by directed by no less than 4 traffic coordinators. I couldn't even bear to confirm my suspicions.

But I thought to myself what a terrible thing that man has done. We cage an animal and, due to weather it would otherwise survive, we kill it. Cows, pigs, sheep, chickens... they all die for me to eat and probably eat better than I rightfully should (for I have not cared for nor have I bested these animals). And I suppose logically a horse is no different. It's life should hold no extra value to us than the lives of such a multitude of similar animals. But somehow it stands for something. Horses represent freedom, hopes, dreams, pride and other things that are hard to draw. And we have killed it.

I begin to wonder if I am man and life is nature. Man seeks to control nature. Nature cannot be controlled. And sometimes they collide and horses, dreams, can be killed. Life is happening. Can I control it? Could I not even if I wanted to?

I drive into Lethbridge. Too many cars in front of the house to park. I park down the street. The frozen body of a rabbit lies belly up in the gutter ahead.

She used to point out rabbits in the hills. Now here it is in front of me. Adorable. Dead.

Perhaps another metaphor; stronger than the first. Closer to her, not me. That's what it's about after all.

Part 2

The night plays out; a hilarious mix of people new and old coming and going. Life is happening here. This isn't what I came for, but it's more fun than I thought. This isn't why we come; not the real reason.

And there's the revelation. "We."

I don't know what I thought of girls before they held my affection. I probably saw them as people, only more different people than us boys. But soon they started to stick out. There was always a girl. There was always one that I thought was more than the rest of them. And I built up that philosophy for years. The One. Every girl is special, and, in my case, every new girl must be the One.

I've finally came to realize that in my experience, girls are all the same, just like they say. I was the one who was different. I was the one who cared when no other guy did. I was the guy who brought flowers and went shopping and looked at jewelry and told her that she was beautiful all the time. I was the one who wanted to have kids and simultaneously wanted to do whatever he had to to financially provide for his family (which I wanted while we was still young) and wanted to stay home with the kids so she could pursue her career. I was the one who said, "I'm sorry," when I was wrong. I'm the one who said, "I love you," every chance I could. She told me I was the most amazing guy she had ever met and that we were forever.

I realize that there are some things you just say, sometimes for no other reason than that it sounds nice. But it can't all be bullshit. There must have been something special about me. I stood out. This is exactly doubled by the fact that I have never asked a girl out on a date in my life...oh, wait, no, yes, I did once. I got a "no." However, that being said, there is a far greater number of girls who have made the moves on me. So there has to be something. And it certainly isn't my face, my body, my brains, my wit, or my charm. It's just something.

Then there's this girl. She's got it, too. All girls are the same... except her. She is undoubtedly unlike any girl I have ever known or ever will again. And suddenly I'm just another boy falling at her feet. And it's strange being on the other side of that scenario.

Perhaps I broke my role first. Maybe it's part of the new me. Is that new me really the me I want to be?

Part 1, Side 2

I drive back home the next day.

I left her different this time. No difficult screen doors to open. The wind was colder than usual. I drive away regretting it.

Broken fences, broken rails, broken signs. This weather did a number on things. The sign that told me to exit is half over. Do I look for signs not to exit, or does this mean that the signs will be gone, but the choice still must be made? More questions for later.

The fences are made by man. Some fences are broken by men; others are broken by nature itself. What are these fences? Do they separate us from being together, or do they keep us from being exposed? Man will rebuild these fences. Should I? Nature brought them down.

A train derailed. Me. Another moves backwards. Me, again. Are these the choices of who I can be? I saw no other trains. Perhaps they are simply beyond what I can see.

Part 3

Who am I? Who do I choose to become? Do I remain extraordinary among girls whom are all the same, or do I become ordinary chasing after the one girl like no other?

I am derailed; another version of me. Do I drive backwards? Pick up from a time once passed? Am I then doomed to tread the same ground only to end up in the same place again, and later, the place where I cannot see? Do I press on to the unforeseeable future?

What do these fences, these barriers, mean? What do they mean to me? What do they mean to her? Do I build them up, or watch them burn?

Maybe they represent an inquantitative distance. I seem to hear my own advice.

Leave. Don't come back until the feelings go away. The girls hate it, but it's the only way.

Hope is a funny thing. Sometimes hopelessness can make you feel better.

Did hope die this weekend? I don't know. I couldn't bring myself to look.

Deer in the Headlights

It was a few days ago now, but it still is bugging me...

I was out tobogganing with a friend of mine and her 7 year old niece (second niece, I think) and I was having the time of my life. It was the first nice day of the year and everyone was out on the sunny Sunday on their toboggans. I remember Rachael (the 7 year old) and her excitement to go down the hill and how insistent she was that we watch as she went down without holding on. I remember the thrill, the excitement, soft spoken words then being pushed down the hill.

But among all those good memories, I can stop thinking about the kinds of people on that hill. The people-y kind of people. People who don't know shit about common sense, simple physics, or plain old tobogganing with others. The act is simple: slide down a hill on something smooth and laugh and have fun. But the activity is wholly more complicated. You careen down a hill at uncontrollable speeds, slow to a stop, and take an exhilarating pause while you sit at the bottom...

... At the bottom of a hill lined with dozens of other people careening down at uncontrollable speeds.

Get out of the goddamn way!

We all managed somehow to pile onto one toboggan (it was more of a sled, but that's a story for another day) with me, the heaviest person at a whopping 150 pounds, stationed at the front. Our combined weight of a portly fellow and large dog barrelling down at mediocre lightning speed (I'm used to the dangers of the 8-man election sign make-shift toboggan) was suddenly confronted with a man, and two small children, maybe 5 and 9.

We make eye contact.

He stops. Stares.

Fuck you.



Fuck you, too, Mr. Stevens.

I dig both feet into the snow, full Fred Flintsone style. A plume of crystalline snow engulfs our party. I dig harder, into the frozen grass. I'm heading straight for the 5 year old. I have a 7 year old on board. We can't bail.

Dear God, don't let me murder this small child.

Keep stopping.

Yes, it actually lasted this long.

12 metre stop on what is maybe a 30 metre hill, not including the spill field. Two inch-thick tracks scar the hill from halfway down. So much snow I can't see. It didn't feel like I hit a kid. If I did, I bet he doesn't feel the same.

Turns out we missed the little one by a matter of inches. I check to make sure Rachael is okay. She's laughing, but cold from a face full on snow. I don't even realize that I am unquestionably covered in a centimetre of snow.

The man and his kids saunter up the hill.

I ask, what the fuck?

A few runs later Rachael and I walk up the hill. Some kid is headed for us. He's heading straight for Rachael. I casually pick her up in one arm and the kid whizzes by a few inches from me. Rachael didn't know better. I did. It's not a panic situation. It's just a responsibility to be aware, especially as someone who can move out of the way. It's easy. I saved Rachael from what would almost certainly be at least an injury in a tenth of the time to react as the other guys? Am I a hero? No. I'm just not a fucking idiot.

The Food Exchange

Flat out, mega-stores should not sell perishables. This is just ridiculous. You shopping trolley should never contain a mix of fresh fruit and trousers. Wal-mart and Zellers and all those other huge stores that were not created for fresh food sales can go suck a letterbomb (a figure of speech).

The only mega-store that I can accept the sale of perishable foods is Cost-Co, purely by virtue of scale. You cannot buy a single apple. You purchase all perishables in some large quantity. These are utility foods, not personal foods. They feed numbers, not people.

However, single fruits are to serve to individual people. People that are not numbers. Non-numeric people may consume non-numeric quantities of fruit; an apple, or a couple of apples. Maybe even several apples. Not a 10 pound box of apples, nor a fraction there-of.

Now, of course, apples are the smallest of my worries. Apples are built to last. I ate an apple today I stored in my refrigerator for probably 3 weeks. Well done, apple.

Time, however, is less kind on my bananas, my peaches, my mangoes, mushrooms, carrots, peppers, lettuce, etc. These things go bad. They shrivel and mold and leak (the worst of them leak).

Let me get to the point. I want a banana. I may want another banana. I may want a banana tomorrow and Thursday and then again on Saturday. Then again, maybe not. I drive 15 minutes to the Superstore. Do I buy 5 bananas? What if I wanted 6? What if I eat that first banana and my body says, "Alex, your banana quota is filled for the week. Now, bring me an apricot."? Do I tell my body to fuck itself and eat a half dozen bananas because I have them? No.

1) Do not make enemies with your body. It will have it's revenge. See Diets and Exercise.
2) Maybe I'll want bananas in my cereal on Sunday. Wouldn't that suck if I forced myself to eat them all by Saturday?

So what's the problem? Grocery mega-stores. You build them so big that they have to be at least 20km away from one another, which means there is always someone who has to drive a few minutes down the road just to get their goddamn bananas.

I know what you're thinking: "'A few minutes! Wah wah, I want my banana!' Grow a pair, already."

Fuck you.

Either I buy so much that it goes bad, or I'm driving every other day to make $15 purchases and in doing so directly contribute to road traffic and long lines at the grocery store, the very thing all you bitches hate, not to mention the environmental impact that all of you non-bitches are properly concerned about.

I miss the days of the local grocery store. Sure, the selection wasn't great and they were expensive and they cost a bit more, but that's what the Superstores are for: to add the solutions. If you can't find it at your local store (which carries bananas and apples and peaches and mushrooms and not dragonfruit or papayas or plantains or African horned melons...) then you can go look for it at the Superstore.

I hear you guys again: "Why not just have it all at the Superstore and you can go to 7-11 for your bananas?"

First, 7-11 is not a particularly food safe environment. Second, their fruit has 2 moves: apple or banana. I like all of the fruits and vegetables that a normal 5 year old can name. Third, there still isn't a 7-11 within reasonable walking distance for a banana.

Back to my point. By minimizing the "individual fruit/vegetable" sections you expand the diversity of the rest of your store. For example, the Superstore may actually carry some fucking water chestnuts! I can buy a can of pennyworth.... drink (juice?) imported from Thailand that takes like springtime faceplant and that no one has ever heard of, but I can't get a little tin of water fucking chestnuts!

You know those kind of white crispy round deals you find in Asian stir-frys?
Those are water chestnuts.
They are great.

And you know who had them, Superstore? That's right, my goddamn local grocery store.

So what do we get out of it? We get fucked out of water chestnuts, bar soap, and the variety of deodorant that pretty girl told you she liked! Although I probably can't blame that last one on the grocery store.