Ingestion

There are a lot of social get-togethers, I find, that revolve around the process of ingestion. I wonder what it is about ingestion that seems so agreeable for two people to experience together. I contemplated briefly, even, to experiment whether or not this sentiment is universally recognized by asking someone if they were interested in some form of ingestion with me. I immediately thought better, despite the misnomer being rather hilarious.

But it got me thinking that there are essentially 5 categories of ingestion with different levels of implications.

1. Dinner. Dinner is the traditional date style of ingestion. There are romantic implications here, probably because dinner marks the apex of an evening and, more importantly, the precursor to the night. This can last on the order of a couple of hours at its lengthiest indicating a certain level of commitment when agreed upon. We can see clearly that "dinner" is a concept reserved between men and women, where as "something to eat" after 4:00 is the pastime of two heterosexual dudes.
   
2. Coffee. There has been a trend lately to ditch the traditional date style which is an aggressive step that men take in their efforts to court women to a more passive and feminine approach. However, men have exploited and usurped this icon of female bonding. "Coffee," while innocent on first impression, is merely a flanking assault performed by men. Two men do not "go for coffee" regardless of their proximity to each other while consuming it. The emphasis for two men to have coffee at the same time is to have the coffee. The emphasis for two women to have coffee together is to be together. The emphasis for a man to ask a woman to "go for coffee" is the go.
3. Drinks. Ahh, alcohol. It may not be the classiest approach, but this ritual is older than time itself. Alcohol=Impaired Judgement. Impaired Judgement=Mistakes. Mistakes=You. Hey, it might not be a mistake, but it greases the wheels, if you know what I mean. Girls are rightfully defensive of their bodies (or at least they should be), but sometimes time and romance aren't enough to break down those walls. However, this tradition is not solely about sex. It is also a matter of breaking down personal barriers which people build between themselves and strangers. Alcohol doesn't make information seem like a good idea, but rather makes everyone around you a lot less strange. To put it another way, two drunk people have a lot more in common than two people. That being said, this form of ingestion is one of the least romantically inclined, as two entirely heterosexual men can suggest "we should go for a drink" or even "do you want to go for a drink?"
4. Breakfast. Talk about a loaded meal. What with the pancakes and the extra side of bacon and the night before lingering overhead. There are three different ways for one to arrive at a breakfast establishment: 1-"Do Breakfast" 2-"Get Breakfast" 3-"Have Breakfast". The differences between these may seem subtle, but are immensely great. To "Do breakfast" is to have an awkwardly platonic but not entirely business-like meeting in the A.M. Young, exciting, excitable up-and-coming businessmen from the 80s would "do breakfast." They want to become your friend fast because they want something from you they haven't received yet. Breakfast is a very personal meal, after all. Now, to "Get Breakfast" is a much safer suggestion. This is what two or more people might suggest after (or in the middle of) a really good party. The adjective "fuckin' " is usually dropped in this suggestion one or more times. To "Have Breakfast" on the other hand, is to have experienced a night together, regardless of sexual conduct, in hopes that sexual conduct will happen in the future. To "Have Breakfast" is to share a special morning with someone in the hopes that a similar (if not greater) evening will once again occur to spark another enjoyable breakfast. A good "Have Breakfast" is a lure, and Bailey's French Toast is my idea. Back off.
5. Lunch. The final and safest form of ingestion that one can be asked to. Situated in the middle of the day, there are a great number of activities that could stem from or cut short this timid meal. One could, after having lunch, engage their lunch partner in a number of activities, or could choose to part for other (fictional?) obligations. However, this leaves no hard feelings. Lunch is an ingestional ceremony shared by all. Many institutions have lunch rooms for exactly this kind of professional/social rendezvous. Though this does not restrict this form of ingestion to be without romantic interest, simply without immediate romantic intent.

I hope this short list has been an educational read for the gentlemen in finding the right form of ingestion to offer a lady, and to the ladies attempting to decipher the intent of a proposal for ingestion. Though, not that you need my help.