It seems that the chronic problem with Turok isn't the concept, because if it was I wouldn't keep coming back. The problem with Turok is that every game lacks the ability to direct you when you're lost. This wouldn't be a problem if the levels were open and the objectives clear, but it seems more often than not that I find myself in a clearing with a lot of dead-end off shoots with an objective like "Kill Everything" or "Find the Key" only with the debilitating problem of there being no enemies left and it's a fucking jungle. Often times the section that you are in is connected by a secret gate or tree that can be shifted or passage hidden behind bushes. The problem with this is that the game comes to a screeching hault every few minutes not while you solve a puzzle, but while you decode what a programmer thinks should be the obvious course of action.
What makes this worse is that you have a companion who does nothing but follow you around. Maybe if I've been running around in circles you could do something productive like stand near where I'm supposed to be going. A lot of games give you something like a Bat-sense or Wolverine-sense or Spider-sense or AnimalX-sense to keep the action moving along. Turok has his 1st-person ponder where he holds his guns out directly infront of himself and stands there, or the active-ponder where he holds his guns out directly infront of himself and runs around in a circle about 6 times trying to find a Bowie and Gretel method of getting the fuck out of there.
Or maybe I'm just balls a Turok. Is anyone actually good at it? I'd like to watch them play to get a sense of where the "logic" comes in.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Dear Playstation
I'm sorry that I was so prejudicial towards you in the past. We haven't always gotten along and I know that is mostly my fault. The truth of the matter is you are the most awesome thing in the entire world and I've had more fun with you than I have on just about any other game system.
Your sleek new design, albeit inconvenient, demands well deserved attention. You don't stand upright and you negate the ability to pile anything on top of you; you have forced me to rearrange my desk and use a large portion of it simply to have you, but you are worth it.
PS3, you do not look better than my 360. You don't have the classics of the Wii. You will not play the PS2 games of many years' past. Your controller design is unchanged from an imperfect design. Why do I love you, you ask?
Free downloadable demos.
I was never the kind of guy who downloaded demos for my PC, but this is because my PC is used for so many other things. It has videos and word processors and design programs and entire games loaded on to it that never look as good as they could and play rather choppily. For a machine that cost two grand, my computer started to suck awfully fast.
But you, Playstation, are, by definition, designed for playing. And so I play. Some of your demos are not fun at all (Condemned 2, although scary, was hard to control and all too easy to get killed by something you couldn't see. Maybe your demo shouldn't be the level where your character is drunk. Maybe I just think 1st person shooters are lame). Some of your demos are so fun that I want to buy them when I otherwise would not (X-Men Origins was beyond fun, Wet was surprisingly entertaining, Conan is a $14.99 discount buy). This last point is the most brilliant marketing strategy ever, especially for a more consumer conscious culture.
I don't want to take a $70 risk on a game that I don't know that I will like. If I were to buy Conan at its opening price, I would be disappointed and be less likely to buy a new game before I let it become preowned and dropped in a discount bin, or if it was a good game, wrapped in a "classics" package 3 years later. I would not buy X-Men, but now probably will. I would not even consider Wet, though now I will shop around for it. And I wouldn't have bought these demos if they hadn't been free, either.
This is why I love you, Playstation. I love you in the worst way. You make me want to spend money on things you've shown me I will enjoy, and I thank you for it. I see the marketing plan and I don't fall victim to it, I support it.
Thank you to those of you who made me buy one.
Your sleek new design, albeit inconvenient, demands well deserved attention. You don't stand upright and you negate the ability to pile anything on top of you; you have forced me to rearrange my desk and use a large portion of it simply to have you, but you are worth it.
PS3, you do not look better than my 360. You don't have the classics of the Wii. You will not play the PS2 games of many years' past. Your controller design is unchanged from an imperfect design. Why do I love you, you ask?
Free downloadable demos.
I was never the kind of guy who downloaded demos for my PC, but this is because my PC is used for so many other things. It has videos and word processors and design programs and entire games loaded on to it that never look as good as they could and play rather choppily. For a machine that cost two grand, my computer started to suck awfully fast.
But you, Playstation, are, by definition, designed for playing. And so I play. Some of your demos are not fun at all (Condemned 2, although scary, was hard to control and all too easy to get killed by something you couldn't see. Maybe your demo shouldn't be the level where your character is drunk. Maybe I just think 1st person shooters are lame). Some of your demos are so fun that I want to buy them when I otherwise would not (X-Men Origins was beyond fun, Wet was surprisingly entertaining, Conan is a $14.99 discount buy). This last point is the most brilliant marketing strategy ever, especially for a more consumer conscious culture.
I don't want to take a $70 risk on a game that I don't know that I will like. If I were to buy Conan at its opening price, I would be disappointed and be less likely to buy a new game before I let it become preowned and dropped in a discount bin, or if it was a good game, wrapped in a "classics" package 3 years later. I would not buy X-Men, but now probably will. I would not even consider Wet, though now I will shop around for it. And I wouldn't have bought these demos if they hadn't been free, either.
This is why I love you, Playstation. I love you in the worst way. You make me want to spend money on things you've shown me I will enjoy, and I thank you for it. I see the marketing plan and I don't fall victim to it, I support it.
Thank you to those of you who made me buy one.
Desensitized
I've come to the conclusion that people are twats and desensitization is a good thing. This is not to be confused with bastardification.
Let me give you an example. We eat me, or at least a lot of us do. That meat comes from a living, breathing, and yes, thinking and feeling animal. It wants to live and hurts when it is killed. This is a fact of life. It's the food chain. We kill things and we eat them. Being humane isn't about not doing what we're designed to do because something gets hurt. Being humane is about being respectful for the life that ended to keep yours going. Look at most wild animals. A dog will shake the bejesus out of its prey to break its neck. A cat will go for the jugular to bleed it out as fast as possible. Given the tools that they have, this is a very good way to do it. It is the humane way to do it.
So understanding that animals are killed, bled out, cut into pieces and shipped to your grocer is something that I think is positive quality. Being able to see it and watch it and understand its necessity (for what portion of the process is entirely necessary. I do understand that a degree of slaughtering animals is a cost/time analysis) makes us better people because it keeps us from being ignorant. Enjoying it is another story. That's being a bastard.
That being said, if watching that sort of thing turns you off meat all together, then you're appropriately sensitive. What bothers me is the people who are bothered by killing animals but are comfortable eating them. It's the cold truth about the world that allows us to demand to make it better. If you disagree with killing animals but want to eat them then I urge you to tell someone how to kill animals without it being uncomfortable for you. The fact is, you can't do it. And if you say, "oh, just wait for them to die on their own" be prepared for less meat to cost way more. Animals that die on their own die in one of 4 ways, in order of likelihood:
If you don't like the meat debate, how about the encouraged desensitization we go through constantly? What about war? You can't watch an animal be killed for food but you can support the slaughter of a nation of people who aren't even necessarily fighting a cause, but are defending their country? How about our desensitization toward our fellow man? We hear about countless violent crimes every day and all we do is lock our doors. If you gave a shit about "humanity" you'd do something to stop it. If you cared about every life you wouldn't only be looking out for yourself. Start a neighbourhood watch. Investigate the crime. Make sure these criminals are put away. Feed the hungry. House the homeless. Hell, start small and give those cold bastards waiting for the bus a lift in your toasty 8 seater SUV.
Oh, I forgot you're doing your part by having a "fuel efficient" SUV. You're a real humanitarian.
Let me give you an example. We eat me, or at least a lot of us do. That meat comes from a living, breathing, and yes, thinking and feeling animal. It wants to live and hurts when it is killed. This is a fact of life. It's the food chain. We kill things and we eat them. Being humane isn't about not doing what we're designed to do because something gets hurt. Being humane is about being respectful for the life that ended to keep yours going. Look at most wild animals. A dog will shake the bejesus out of its prey to break its neck. A cat will go for the jugular to bleed it out as fast as possible. Given the tools that they have, this is a very good way to do it. It is the humane way to do it.
So understanding that animals are killed, bled out, cut into pieces and shipped to your grocer is something that I think is positive quality. Being able to see it and watch it and understand its necessity (for what portion of the process is entirely necessary. I do understand that a degree of slaughtering animals is a cost/time analysis) makes us better people because it keeps us from being ignorant. Enjoying it is another story. That's being a bastard.
That being said, if watching that sort of thing turns you off meat all together, then you're appropriately sensitive. What bothers me is the people who are bothered by killing animals but are comfortable eating them. It's the cold truth about the world that allows us to demand to make it better. If you disagree with killing animals but want to eat them then I urge you to tell someone how to kill animals without it being uncomfortable for you. The fact is, you can't do it. And if you say, "oh, just wait for them to die on their own" be prepared for less meat to cost way more. Animals that die on their own die in one of 4 ways, in order of likelihood:
- killed by another animal
- get sick and die
- die in an accident,
- or die of old age.
- none (another animal ate it)
- none (it's diseased. Unless you want to eat "we think we cooked what killed it out of it" beef)
- variable (depends when you find it)
- about half of what it could be (ever notice how old people are a lot skinnier than younger people?)
If you don't like the meat debate, how about the encouraged desensitization we go through constantly? What about war? You can't watch an animal be killed for food but you can support the slaughter of a nation of people who aren't even necessarily fighting a cause, but are defending their country? How about our desensitization toward our fellow man? We hear about countless violent crimes every day and all we do is lock our doors. If you gave a shit about "humanity" you'd do something to stop it. If you cared about every life you wouldn't only be looking out for yourself. Start a neighbourhood watch. Investigate the crime. Make sure these criminals are put away. Feed the hungry. House the homeless. Hell, start small and give those cold bastards waiting for the bus a lift in your toasty 8 seater SUV.
Oh, I forgot you're doing your part by having a "fuel efficient" SUV. You're a real humanitarian.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Finishing Early
Finishing Early is the cure for everything. Bad knee? Finish work early. Got dumped? Finish work early. Bullet wound? Finish early.
No matter what's going wrong, finishing things early always makes me feel great. It just fills me with so much energy. Maybe it's that I'm getting things done, maybe it's that I have more time off than I thought. Whatever it is, it feels good.
No matter what's going wrong, finishing things early always makes me feel great. It just fills me with so much energy. Maybe it's that I'm getting things done, maybe it's that I have more time off than I thought. Whatever it is, it feels good.
Be Married
I just finished catching up with one of the few people I met last year at school. When I first met her I thought to myself "now here is a very attractive, smart, cheerful, bright, all around positive woman my age and she's sitting down next to me and talking to me. This can't be happening."
I soon found out in that semester that she was engaged to be married this past summer. After that, I had no problems talking to her. There really wasn't anything for me to be nervous about. There wasn't anything on the line.
I tried to work myself up to talk to this other girl in the same class. Well, the day I was going to ask her if she wanted to do something was the day she stopped coming to class. I emailed her and asked her what was up and suggested that we get together. She said we should and we back and forth'd a bit, and then I never heard from her again.
This is the case of so many single girls. Hook up with a single girl, get rejected. Talk to a single girl, she leaves the class. Friend of a friend, potential lesbian. Primed for a blind date, mysterious disappearance. Try and sit next to a girl in class, she moves to the other side of the room.
My conclusion is thus: Fuck single girls. One of the most fun times I've ever had in my life is stealing a girl from her boyfriend. Yeah, that ended poorly, and the type of girl that'll leave her boyfriend for me is the type of girl that'll leave me for her new boyfriend, but shit, that wasn't so bad, was it? So maybe the plan should be to subvert boyfriend "authority" and steal a girl who is already taken.
For all the talk I do about not wanting to do marketing because I don't like the idea of a competitive market, I sure do like winning. I like being better than someone else. And watching a social dynamic shift in my favour is the highest form of entertainment I have ever experienced.
Maybe I am enough of a bastard for marketing.
I soon found out in that semester that she was engaged to be married this past summer. After that, I had no problems talking to her. There really wasn't anything for me to be nervous about. There wasn't anything on the line.
I tried to work myself up to talk to this other girl in the same class. Well, the day I was going to ask her if she wanted to do something was the day she stopped coming to class. I emailed her and asked her what was up and suggested that we get together. She said we should and we back and forth'd a bit, and then I never heard from her again.
This is the case of so many single girls. Hook up with a single girl, get rejected. Talk to a single girl, she leaves the class. Friend of a friend, potential lesbian. Primed for a blind date, mysterious disappearance. Try and sit next to a girl in class, she moves to the other side of the room.
My conclusion is thus: Fuck single girls. One of the most fun times I've ever had in my life is stealing a girl from her boyfriend. Yeah, that ended poorly, and the type of girl that'll leave her boyfriend for me is the type of girl that'll leave me for her new boyfriend, but shit, that wasn't so bad, was it? So maybe the plan should be to subvert boyfriend "authority" and steal a girl who is already taken.
For all the talk I do about not wanting to do marketing because I don't like the idea of a competitive market, I sure do like winning. I like being better than someone else. And watching a social dynamic shift in my favour is the highest form of entertainment I have ever experienced.
Maybe I am enough of a bastard for marketing.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Don't Elect Me, I'm a Fascist
So, I'm reading this article and I can't help getting mad. The summary of the article is that a child rapist wasn't executed because he didn't have a good enough vein to give him the lethal injection.
Seriously. If we're worried about hurting criminals' feelings, they're going to take advantage of us. In fact, they are taking advantage of us. We need to fight back by being cruel to the most heinous of our criminals. Come on, if we're putting people down, we might as well make it an unfavourable way to go. If I wanted to die, I could just go rape some kids and get a few years in a Federal Country Club before they put me to sleep forever (not before feeding me the best meal of my life).
Am I the only one who thinks we need to chain these guys together and have them break rocks for no reason for 18 hours a day? I want their lives to be miserable and meaningless. I want them to pray for death, and when it comes I want them to regret that prayer.
I mean, while we're killing people...
And I'm all for killing people.
- It's fucking poison! Who the fuck cares where it goes? Ice the motherfucker so everyone can go home.
- Is that the only "humane" way to kill a man? Gas his cell and cut him up while he's asleep! Give him CO poisoning, "accidentally" burn his cell block, pay another prisoner to shank him if you don't want the blood to be on your hands.
- Why the hell should we be treating child rapists humanely? Feed that fucker to the dogs! Have him fight tigers for our amusement! Give the tigers lasers.
- It's fucking poison! I know this was point 1, but I thought it was such a good point I should mention it twice.
Seriously. If we're worried about hurting criminals' feelings, they're going to take advantage of us. In fact, they are taking advantage of us. We need to fight back by being cruel to the most heinous of our criminals. Come on, if we're putting people down, we might as well make it an unfavourable way to go. If I wanted to die, I could just go rape some kids and get a few years in a Federal Country Club before they put me to sleep forever (not before feeding me the best meal of my life).
Am I the only one who thinks we need to chain these guys together and have them break rocks for no reason for 18 hours a day? I want their lives to be miserable and meaningless. I want them to pray for death, and when it comes I want them to regret that prayer.
I mean, while we're killing people...
And I'm all for killing people.
This Isn't The Life
How do vagrants do it? How do they live without having anything? How can they go from place to place without settling? How can they talk to everyone and yet know no one? I couldn't do it. I can't do it. Without a stable base, I can't even talk to new people. I move between the lives in these halls, careful not to intersect (or perhaps unable to).
I guess I'm tired of getting to know someone one semester, dropping them on Facebook, and then never hearing from them again. Not that I make any effort myself to stay in touch; what is there to stay in touch about? How's life? How's school? How's being married? They're all superficial things. It makes me wonder how sending letters used to work. What do you ask people? What do you tell them? Can you ever really get into the issues? Maybe discussions that would take us minutes took people months. It's a scary thought.
Maybe that's why we all like getting mail. Not bills, or flyers, or emails, but real honest mail, handwritten and addressed to you. It seems to mean more, though I don't know what I would ever write. Maybe nowadays mail is reserved for the things we have to say but have a hard time bringing up or talking about at all.
I guess the problem with letters now is that you only get one shot, and you'll most likely be getting a digital response soon after.
I guess I'm tired of getting to know someone one semester, dropping them on Facebook, and then never hearing from them again. Not that I make any effort myself to stay in touch; what is there to stay in touch about? How's life? How's school? How's being married? They're all superficial things. It makes me wonder how sending letters used to work. What do you ask people? What do you tell them? Can you ever really get into the issues? Maybe discussions that would take us minutes took people months. It's a scary thought.
Maybe that's why we all like getting mail. Not bills, or flyers, or emails, but real honest mail, handwritten and addressed to you. It seems to mean more, though I don't know what I would ever write. Maybe nowadays mail is reserved for the things we have to say but have a hard time bringing up or talking about at all.
I guess the problem with letters now is that you only get one shot, and you'll most likely be getting a digital response soon after.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
